As part of our Deep Desires series, Sierra Taye writes about how to communicate your needs with your partner in a variety of ways to deepen your connection and mutually understand your body.
All too often we are bombarded by the message that each sexual act we participate in must feel orgasmic, leaving the discussion of how our partner could please us better left as taboo. But why would we even consider it rude to ask for what we want from someone? Especially when it is someone who is trying their best to give us what we crave the most.
The sensual energy that you and your partner are sharing will only flow both ways if the doors open. When it comes to your sex life, you are an active participant in what is happening. This means that you can change what is occurring.
To allow for this energy flow to occur, start by being honest with the one you are with. Begin by not faking your pleasure if something does not feel good.
You are just as deserving of pleasure as your partner, so if something doesn’t feel good, speak up! Instead of focusing of negatives, tell your partner what would actually feel good for you—and tell them when they are getting it so right! Each time you communicate honestly, you take a step closer to a new level of intimacy.
If speaking with your words is out of reach, then allow your body to speak for you. Show your partner how you please yourself. Let them experience the patience and trust that you have developed with your yoni practice. By reveling in your own delicious actions, you also inadvertently show someone what brings you pleasure.
Bring your crystal toy and its energy into play and let its cool touch relax your body even further if you feel nervous; you know this practice from your own sacred self play. Enjoy this moment you are creating for yourself and allow your partner to soak it in. Show them how you experience pleasure—and then, only after you have satisfied yourself—see if they can bring you these same feelings with their own touch.
Help your partner by guiding their hand with yours if they aren’t hitting the right spots. This is a gentle, sensual way to connect with and learn about your body together.
Your partner is there because they want to experience sensuality with you. Open the doors of communication, allow energy to flow, and explore the endless possibilities that await.